doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
