Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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