Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
