I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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