my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
