standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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