Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
