My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
