halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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