i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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