the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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