so explain again why im purple
no
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
