What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He shit in the fireplace
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