drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
