i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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