I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
