woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
