Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
