i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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