i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We have started to decorate penises.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
