exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
