STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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