I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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