Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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