I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
