I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i barfeds in our rink
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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