I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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