oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
