READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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