i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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