My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
