He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
