Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
