Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
