I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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