Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
