dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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