a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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