Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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