is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
