Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
