oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
