This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
