Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize