You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
