I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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