I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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