I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
