everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
