My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
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I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it