Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I touched a dick in church today
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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