I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
