So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
