May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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