i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
