The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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