So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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