does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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