is your mom at the bar?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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