i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need a beard to bite.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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