Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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