I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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