Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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