he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
