Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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