i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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