So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
