Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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