so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize