Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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