Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
