Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
