My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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