Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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