Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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